KEEPING YOUR EMOTIONS IN BALANCE...

“Keeping your emotions in balance”

Has your child ever erupted in Anger? Ever cry out of frustration?

This week we discuss the quality of keeping your emotions in balance. As the saying goes, “Lose control of your emotions, your opponent has an ally.”  Every emotion has an appropriate time and place. There is a time to be stern, and a time to be compassionate. If we become overly emotional, or if we mix these times and places up, we lose our ability to act appropriately. If, however we are able to respond with the appropriate emotion, at the appropriate time, with the right intensity, then we will have the best possible experience.

“A mighty person is one who has control over their emotions and can make friends of their enemies.”

This all sounds good, but how do we put this idea into action? An important thing to remember is that you are responsible for your actions. You may not be able to control your thoughts, but you should certainly be able to control what you do. So you might just decide not to say or do anything you would regret later when you are emotional. Logic and emotion are like oil and water…they do not mix! Wait until you are calm before you confront someone with an issue or before you make any important decisions.

Your assignment this week is to try and recognize when disempowering emotions are starting to take hold of you and “Nip them in the Bud”

Dealing With FEAR!

Fear affects us all at one time or another.

It

1. prevents us from doing the things that we should do, or would like to do.
2. produces mental stress and physical illness.
3. robs us of the happy, healthy life that we deserve!

But there is a little known secret! Fear is like a toothless dog, all bark and no bite.

Our children must learn that there are two types of fear.

The first type is the fear of circumstances that are truly dangerous. This fear is important, and must be paid attention to.

Should you have some fear about waking into traffic? Facing a vicious dog? You bet! These fears are there to protect us from situations that might actually harm us.

The second type of fear is different. It's also much more common. It's the fear that arises when no danger is actually present. For example some kids are afraid of:

1. meeting new people
2. trying a new thing
3. not conforming with other children

These fears can be conquered! They don't protect us from any actual danger. They serve no purpose, other than to hold us back...to keep us from realizing our potential.

Exercise:

1. With your child, identify a situation that would ordinarily cause him to be afraid.
2. Use visualization to "rehearse" the situation...with a successful outcome. Have Matt close his eyes. Say something like "Matt it's your turn in front of the class. You feel so calm. Your muscles are loose. You are breathing easily. You move without hurrying. You actually enjoy your time in front of the class. You finish your presentation and everybody applauds. You have a huge smile on your face as you return to your seat. You feel so proud of yourself."
3. Repeat and reinforce this process frequently, each time creating a vivd picture for Matt.
4. Teach Matt to "replay" this mental image on his own.

If you have any questions about helping your child conquer FEAR, give me a shout at (949) 363-6500. I'd be glad to help!

Your Friend,

Ivan Kravitz
US Blackbelt Academy
30251-H Golden Lantern
Laguna Niguel, CA 92677
(949)363-6500
www.teamusba.com 

Dealing with "Popularity Issues"

A popular person is one who is liked by many people. It's nice to be popular...but the pursuit of popularity can lead to trouble. Popular apps like Instagram, Snapchat, and others have multiplied the popularity issue to an all time high.

Heather says "I want to be popular no matter what... I'll do whatever it takes."

Monica says, "I'd like to be popular of course...but not at any price. I insist on being myself!"

As parents the thought expressed by Heather is bound to make us uneasy. Monica of course, expresses a healthier perspective.

When popularity issues become too important to your child problems arise.

• Sometimes children will do things that they know they shouldn't do... because they are afraid of losing popularity... They may cave in to peer pressure.
• Other times, kids will feel that they aren't popular with the "right" crowd. They don't appreciate their current friends.
• Some kids believe that popularity is based on the "right" clothes, or how many "Instagram followers" they have. They lose their identity by following the crowd.

When these types of popularity issues are attained, they are shallow and short lasting. They last only until the next "popularity test" comes up.

Teach your child to be a person who does the right thing..no matter what others think, and that loyalty, integrity, and kindness will lead to genuine popularity.

Teach them to treat all others, regardless of social status with respect and courtesy.

Remind them not to be tricked into doing things they know are wrong in order to gain popularity.

Above all, continually teach them about the value and importance of relationships to each other within your family. Teach them about your family history and heritage.  A young person who has a strong sense of family pride won't succumb to the pressure to be TOO popular.

Popularity will come to your child when people recognize him/her as a person with integrity!

If you have any questions regarding popularity issues, give me a call...I'd be happy to help!

Your Friend,

Ivan Kravitz
US Blackbelt Academy
(949) 363-6500

P.S. If you know of anyone who would enjoy this article, please share!

The 5 Skills of Listening!

It's frustrating when our children don't seem to listen, isn't it?

And when they don't pay attention to what you're saying at home, you have to wonder how much they are missing at school!

In 20+ years of teaching martial arts in our community, we've developed a 5 step approach to teach the skill of listening. You can easily teach these 5 steps to your child!

• The Listening Posture. Teach your child that when it's time to listen they must sit or stand up straight. Shoulders back, chin up and eyes straight ahead. This alone can double listening retention.
• Direct Eye Contact is Essential. Insist on it when you are speaking to your child. They will then be able to focus on the words being said.
• Repeat the Message Back to the Speaker When Possible. For example a child might say, "So mom, you'd like me to clean my room and feed the dog before I play on my I-Pad?" This lets the speaker know your child has understood!
• Ask Questions! Coach your children to ask respectful questions. This shows that they are paying attention, and care about what the other person is saying!
• Look for more information. Especially with older children, train them to ask themselves, "How does the speaker feel about what they are saying?" Are they bored? Angry? Interested? Concerned? 

My friends, even young children can be taught these steps. Begin by reading them to your kids, and then practicing each skill!

When you observe your child losing focus, just the simple reminder, "Remember...listening skills" will refocus them.

And of course watch like a hawk for situations when your child does listen effectively. Catch them doing it right, and follow up with a huge dose of appreciation, like, "Honey, I was so proud of you for listening to what i was saying."

If you have any questions about the 5 skills of listening, give me a shout. Id be happy to help!

Your friend,

Ivan Kravitz
US Blackbelt Academy
30251-H Golden Lantern
Laguna Niguel, CA 92677
(949) 363-6500
www.teamusba.com