KEEPING YOUR EMOTIONS IN BALANCE...

“Keeping your emotions in balance”

Has your child ever erupted in Anger? Ever cry out of frustration?

This week we discuss the quality of keeping your emotions in balance. As the saying goes, “Lose control of your emotions, your opponent has an ally.”  Every emotion has an appropriate time and place. There is a time to be stern, and a time to be compassionate. If we become overly emotional, or if we mix these times and places up, we lose our ability to act appropriately. If, however we are able to respond with the appropriate emotion, at the appropriate time, with the right intensity, then we will have the best possible experience.

“A mighty person is one who has control over their emotions and can make friends of their enemies.”

This all sounds good, but how do we put this idea into action? An important thing to remember is that you are responsible for your actions. You may not be able to control your thoughts, but you should certainly be able to control what you do. So you might just decide not to say or do anything you would regret later when you are emotional. Logic and emotion are like oil and water…they do not mix! Wait until you are calm before you confront someone with an issue or before you make any important decisions.

Your assignment this week is to try and recognize when disempowering emotions are starting to take hold of you and “Nip them in the Bud”

More on SELF ESTEEM!

More on Self Esteem!

I hate to approach anything from a negative point of view. But sometimes it's necessary to speak bluntly...to discuss the negative in order to understand the positive.

The simple fact is...there are things that parents sometimes do that lower their child's self esteem.

The following are Self-Esteem Killers:

1. Compare one child to another, especially with siblings.
2. Have super high standards, reward only high level of progress.
3. Yell - A LOT!
4. Assume their child really wants, needs, and deserves all the freedom they are asking for.

Additionally they would:

1. Let the child make lots of choices for themselves, especially when they are really young.
2. Neglect to follow through. For example: Mom tells Lisa that a certain rule violation will result in a consequence. Lisa commits violation. Mom caves in and doesn't enforce consequence.
3. Set standars for the kids that Mom and Dad don't hold themselves to.
4. When you catch your children aspiring, caution them not to set their sights too high.
5. Be frugal in spending time with your kids.

And Finally...

1. Assume they will follow your words rather than your example.

Of course our job is to turn each of these awful statements into its opposite. Building your child's self worth requires consistent effort. Be diligent!

If you have any questions regarding Self Esteem give me a call, I'd be happy to help!

Your friend,

Ivan Kravitz

(949) 363-6500

P.S. Many of our readers have called to find out how to learn more about "KID Skill" topics. As a courtesy I've decided to offer a FREE One-Week Trial Membership at "USBA" to all of our readers. If you would like to register, just call us at (949)363-6500 and ask for Rachel.

P.P.S. You must hurry. It's our busy season with parents preparing for "Back To School", so we can only accept the first 25 requests.

The 5 Skills of Listening!

It's frustrating when our children don't seem to listen, isn't it?

And when they don't pay attention to what you're saying at home, you have to wonder how much they are missing at school!

In 20+ years of teaching martial arts in our community, we've developed a 5 step approach to teach the skill of listening. You can easily teach these 5 steps to your child!

• The Listening Posture. Teach your child that when it's time to listen they must sit or stand up straight. Shoulders back, chin up and eyes straight ahead. This alone can double listening retention.
• Direct Eye Contact is Essential. Insist on it when you are speaking to your child. They will then be able to focus on the words being said.
• Repeat the Message Back to the Speaker When Possible. For example a child might say, "So mom, you'd like me to clean my room and feed the dog before I play on my I-Pad?" This lets the speaker know your child has understood!
• Ask Questions! Coach your children to ask respectful questions. This shows that they are paying attention, and care about what the other person is saying!
• Look for more information. Especially with older children, train them to ask themselves, "How does the speaker feel about what they are saying?" Are they bored? Angry? Interested? Concerned? 

My friends, even young children can be taught these steps. Begin by reading them to your kids, and then practicing each skill!

When you observe your child losing focus, just the simple reminder, "Remember...listening skills" will refocus them.

And of course watch like a hawk for situations when your child does listen effectively. Catch them doing it right, and follow up with a huge dose of appreciation, like, "Honey, I was so proud of you for listening to what i was saying."

If you have any questions about the 5 skills of listening, give me a shout. Id be happy to help!

Your friend,

Ivan Kravitz
US Blackbelt Academy
30251-H Golden Lantern
Laguna Niguel, CA 92677
(949) 363-6500
www.teamusba.com